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Hot in Cleveland By
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Episodio 1x1 - Nota 7.5 2016-11-01 20:25:21"This is why the Internet was invented: for men to find pictures of naked celebrities and women to cyber-stalk the men they trust." (Joy):) |
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Episodio 1x2 - Nota 7.5 2016-11-02 21:11:22Mel: When Joy was a teenager, she got pregnant.Elka: I'm not surprised. Mel: And now she thinks she might be dating her son. Elka: Still not surprised. :) |
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Episodio 1x3 - Nota 8 2016-11-08 20:44:16Chester: I'm Chester.Victoria: Well, that will be easy to remember. Hahaha :) |
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Episodio 1x4 - Nota 7 2016-11-09 19:51:32Mel: I had no idea you were gay. How would I know?Hailey: For starters, my CD is called "I Like Girls". :) |
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Episodio 1x5 - Nota 7 2016-11-09 20:08:14"Oh, my God! Is that Victoria Chase?"Joy: New ringtone? Victoria: Don't judge. :) |
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Episodio 5x5 2014-05-03 14:27:38- Melon. That's the baby's name.- Melon? As in short for Melanie? - No, Melon as in the fruit. Melanie is such a dated name. It makes me think of a sad, old woman sitting in an armchair. :) |
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Episodio 5x6 2014-05-07 12:52:47Melanie: I knew he would see past my acne and back brace and lazy boob.Elka: Lazy boob? Melanie: Yeah, one boob was slower to grow. Elka: Joy has two of those. :) |
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Episodio 5x7 2014-07-20 11:05:46Victoria: Oh my God, I forgot my fake age!!!"Now we can all honestly say that we've slept with George Clooney!" :) |
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Episodio 5x8 2014-07-20 11:10:33Joy: When I point at you, look sad and pathetic. Perfect.Melanie: But I wasn't doing it yet... Chase: You don't have a tumour??!! Melanie: Well, not in the medical sense... :) |
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Episodio 5x9 2014-07-20 11:21:25Elka: Oh, look at our baby. He's so depressed.Melanie: Maybe we should just take him back to the vet. Joy: No, the vet said he was fine, physically. Elka: Well, maybe he's just sad because Joy looks like a bone he can't chew on. Victoria: Or maybe because for every one of our years, he ages seven. That would depress the hell out of me. Joy: We keep things loose and easy. Elka: Which was Joy's nickname in high school. :) |
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Episodio 5x10 2014-10-29 17:02:03Joy: I'm not sure what I'd put on my bucket list. I suppose "find true love" and "get married".Elka: It's a bucket list, dear, not a letter to Santa. Joy: I never told you this, but when I first came to America, I auditioned for the Rockettes. Only, I froze. I couldn't get my legs in the air. Elka: You sure got over that one. Victoria: I realized how difficult it would be for her to forgive me, so I did her a favor and forgave myself. And if that isn't karma, I don't know what is. Melanie: That's not karma... Victoria: Then I don't know what is. :) |
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Episodio 5x11 2014-10-30 10:14:04Victoria: My agent told me I've got to find a heart-warming cause to help my chances of getting an Oscar nomination. Talent just isn't enough.Elka: Well, that's lucky for you. Melanie: This stupid councilman, Jim Powell, says that dog parks are too expensive and too noisy to maintain. Elka: So is Joy, but we don't get rid of her. >ELKASTOPLESSPARKS< :) |
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Episodio 5x12 2014-11-01 15:23:05"Oh, God. So I have to get up in front of billions of viewers with singed hair and no sleep and be happy for other people? ... Where's my damn Xanax?" (Victoria):) |
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Episodio 5x13 2014-11-01 16:01:44Victoria: Oh darn! Get this: Salma Hayek is now the spokesperson for UNICEF!Elka: That selfless bitch! Joy: I just talked to Mitch on the phone. All he wants is to win Melanie back. I mean, what has she got that I haven't got? ... Shut up, Elka... Elka: I didn't say anything... Boobs. :) |
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Episodio 5x14 2014-11-01 16:42:31Joy: I slept with my mother's boyfriend...Elka: Already?! Joy: Goodnight, Elka. Elka: Goodnight, Joy. I will be here in bed when you wake up in the morning. Joy: Why are you telling me that? Elka: Because I thought it would be nice for you to hear it once... :) |
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Episodio 5x15 2014-11-02 15:40:27Melanie: I just thought by knowing me better, your portrayal of me could be even greater. So do you have any questions?Actress: I do. Do you think you could talk Elka into giving me a better part? Joy: I don't want to be with myself. I'm a nightmare. I don't want to spend another minute with me. Elka: It's finally happened. My thoughts are coming out of your mouth. :) |
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Episodio 5x16 2014-11-02 16:07:33Melanie: Oh, that stupid cricket. How come it only chirps when I tell a joke?Elka: Something's got to fill the dead air... :) |
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Episodio 5x17 2014-11-03 16:11:52Joy: We're supposed to be working upstairs, but I just can't keep my hands off Mitch...Elka: He must look so tiny in those hands... Mitch: Oh boy, I gotta tell you. There is nothing better than "hitting the old sack"! Elka: She has a name... :) |
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Episodio 5x18 2014-11-04 10:33:52Joy: In four years, we've never been inside Elka's house.Victoria: Yeah, she always has some excuse: "Oh, don't come in. The place is a mess." Melanie: "Don't come in. I have a man in here." Joy: "Don't come in. I don't like you." ♪ ♫ Welcome to my world, a world of pure rejuvenation Fauna and flora designed by Sephora Hair extensions growing in the trees And should you find occasion for microdermabrasion There's sodium chloride crystals on the breeze Is this real? A skin peel Just by dunking my head in this fountain! Not just that! Lose your fat at the top of lipo mountain! The birdies in the skies have lasers in their eyes to zap unwanted facial hairs away! Yes, nothing can go wrong here in beauty land So in beauty land we'll stay! ♪ ♫ :) |
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Episodio 5x19 2014-11-05 10:05:36J.J.: Every time we go out together, I feel like "Lady and the Tramp" sharing a bowl of spaghetti.Victoria: Oh, don't be silly, J.J... I don't eat carbs. J.J.: I just had one woman... But I know you've had more than one... You've probably had more like 7 or 8... Victoria: Well, 7 or 8 are in the number... :) |
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Episodio 5x20 2014-11-05 12:52:25Melanie: My advice is to aknowledge the elephant in the room...Victoria: Well, his daughter is a little chubby... Joy: Elka is finding it very amusing that I think I've failed my orals... Elka: I would have said that she choked on her orals... Melanie: Well, if Joy does fail her orals, that would be hard to swallow... Victoria: You are the last person I would expect to blow her orals... Joy: I shouldn't have waited until the last day to study. Elka: I guess you bit more than you could chew... Victoria: They say it takes half the time you were married to get over it. J.J.: Wow... 16 years... Victoria: 3 hours... :) |
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Episodio 5x21 2015-01-12 16:46:57Victoria: This is a great speech draft, but I have a couple of questions. Who is this Tony you have me thanking?Elka: Your third child... Victoria: Ohhh... Good catch. Joy: That bloody cheek injection migrated. It gave me an Adam's apple. I look like a man! Elka: On the bright side, it goes with the hands and the chest. Joy: I had to prove to the receptionist that I'm a woman. Melanie: You took off your top? Joy: That didn't work... "For 30 years, we have had each other's backs. We have shared each other's triumphs and heartbreaks, made the hard times good times and the good times great times. Melanie Moretti and Joy Scroggs, I share this award with you as I share my life with you." (Victoria) :) |
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Episodio 5x22 2015-01-12 17:14:10Victoria: Melanie, how do you do it?Melanie: I'm not faking it. I am genuinely happy when others do well. Victoria: But why? "Campaign promises are like Joy's dates. They do the deed, and then they disappear." (Elka) Joy: I saw a study that said that 52% of women would choose chocolate over sex. Mamie-Sue: I sure never told a bar of chocolate I was too sleepy. Melanie: We're on a diet. Melanie's mother: Come on. Gummy bears are practically fruit. Melanie: Oh, my God. Did Joy get stung by a bee too? Elka: That's her breast... Joy: The only downside was that a billion people saw my boob. Elka: Oh, stop complaining, Joy. You're making a mountain out of a molehill. :) |
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Episodio 5x23 2015-01-14 16:44:06Victoria: I know how you feel, honey. I'm waiting and hoping for my man too.Melanie: It's an Oscar, not a real man. Victoria: But he's made of gold, and he has no opinions. So, in some ways, he's better. Victoria: So, is it big news in Sudan that I won an Oscar? Simon: People are fighting and dying there... Victoria: Is that a yes or a no? "To me, orgasms are like doughnuts. I never had a bad one." (Elka) Simon: I know what you're doing. You want me to set my boobs on fire like Mrs. Doubtfire. Well, it's not gonna happen, because these breasts are not made of foam. They're a realistic mix of popcorn kernels and birdseed! Elka: Now, we know why he likes Joy... He has no idea how a real breast feels... :) |
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Episodio 5x24 2015-01-14 17:05:18Melanie: This is the worst date ever!Victoria: Is it, Melanie? How many noses does your date have? Because mine has two! Elka: That's nuts. And speaking of nuts, my date doesn't have any anymore... "This was my grandmother's ring. She loved it so much, she was buried with it. Please... don't ask the next logical question." (Bob) Joy: What about your girlfriend in Canada? Are you sure that's over? Bob: Her last words to me were: "get out of here, you big dick!". Focus on the last two words, Joy. :) |
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Episodio 6x1 2015-01-15 10:07:28Joy: Oh, I can picture it now: a Scottish castle, the groomsmen in kilts, and at the end of the night, my darling Simon heroically pumping the bagpipes.Elka: Don't call yourself names, Joy. Melanie: You're gonna call your oldest enemy? Victoria: First of all, my oldest enemy is time. And second, you know the saying: keep your friends close and the enemy of your friend as close as the friend of your enemy even closer. "I can't marry you. You're great at the grand gesture, but relationships are about what happens after the grand gesture. It's the little everyday moments in between that make up a life. And that's not you." (Joy) :) |
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Episodio 6x2 2015-01-15 10:32:54Melanie: Hey, you should name a drink after Joy.Bartender: That's not a bad idea. What would that be? Elka: Something flat, that goes down easy. Zed: Victoria, you're gonna have to forget everything you think you know about acting. Elka: That won't take long... Melanie: You are an incredible detective. Joy: I am, aren't I? Elka: She still hasn't solved the case of the missing boobs... :) |
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Episodio 6x3 2015-01-16 09:32:56"People are dying to hear Oscar-certified advice and celebrity tips. Like my thought on fasting: 'when you feel like eating, don't'." (Victoria)Victoria: Do you think I should tell Joy the truth? Elka: No. It would hurt her feelings.... Let me do it. :) |
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Episodio 6x4 2015-01-16 09:54:32"God, it was so much easier doing Lifetime original movies. Everything I needed to know about my character was in the title: 'Soccer Mom Prostitute', 'Forty and Flirty', 'The PMS Strangler - It's that time of the month to die!'." (Victoria)Joy: On Sinder, I can order my men the way I order my shoes. Elka: Six at a time? Melanie: It's not a mole mass! It's three moles. My mom said they were angel kisses. Elka: Those angels had some big ass lips. Councilman Stokes: I'm sorry, Victoria, but seeing you is bringing back very bad memories. Elka: Try seeing her every day... :) |
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Episodio 6x5 2015-01-16 10:22:27Elka: I have a new partner.Agnes: Oh, who is it? Elka: Never you mind. He or she will be there. Mona: He or she? That can only mean Joy. Joy: I'm just sitting here... Elka: At the risk of sounding like Joy, I need a partner, fast. Joy: Seriously, I'm just sitting here... Melanie: Elka, I'll be your partner. Elka: Oh, I don't know. You and games? Melanie: At the risk of sounding like Joy, I'm a warm body and I'm yours for the taking. Joy: Also at the risk of sounding like Joy: 'bugger the [bleep] off'. Bob: The suspect is Chechen. Look at his shoes. Chechen's always have impeccably shined shoes. Joy: Nice read. And those tattoos suggest time in a Russian prison. Victoria: And that haircut says that he was recently in Australia. Joy: How did you get that? Victoria: Oh, I don't know. I thought we were just making stuff up. Melanie: I'm so nervous. Elka: Just give the most obvious clue. Melanie: "Flat" Elka. Joy! Joy: I'm just sitting here... :) |
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Episodio 6x6 2015-01-16 10:41:00Melanie: I've never been to a vodka tasting. Do you sip and spit?Joy: And waste good vodka? Just swallow. That's my motto. Elka: (...) Joy: Don't you dare! Elka: Unlike your boyfriends, Joy, I don't swing at the easy ones. :) |
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Episodio 6x7 2015-01-16 16:46:48"It's too tall and too dried up. But enough about Joy. The tree is great." (Elka)Victoria: I laugh at myself all the time! What about the time Susan Lucci fell in the pond? Elka: That's not laughing at yourself! That's laughing at Susan Lucci. Victoria: The point is: I was laughing... and I was myself! >Merry Christmas, ho-ho-hos!< :) |
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Episodio 6x8 2015-01-16 17:12:42Melanie: Go wipe that whorish makeup off your face.Jenna: That's right. I'm not Joy anymore. :) |
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Episodio 6x9 2015-01-17 10:12:32"Yeah, Melanie dumped her boyfriend, so now she's just another middle-aged woman looking for love. Which is great news for all the cat shelters out there." (Frankie)"Oh, daddy, this is so much fun. And I know this is gonna sound strange, but I almost wish you were dying years ago." (Victoria) Alex Chase: I'm just a boy standing in front of a girl saying, "I'm dying. Will you sleep with me?" Elka: If I fell for that, I'd have to sleep with every guy at the senior center... :) |
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Episodio 6x10 2015-04-04 12:45:49Elka: You have a sister?Joy: She's been a nun for the last 20 years. She's nothing like me. Elka: Well, you both spend a lot of time on your knees... Jill: Please tell me that sex is better than caviar. Joy: They're both better with vodka... :) |
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Episodio 6x11 2015-04-06 15:03:15"We went to a midnight movie and then dinner after. I was so tired that when the meal came I might accidentally have eaten it." (Victoria)Melanie: In conflict resolution, we call this "the talking stick". The person holding it can share their feelings without any fear of judgement. Elka: I'm confused... If that is "the talking stick", what do we call Joy? :) |
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Episodio 6x12 2015-04-26 12:41:25Victoria: Bob can't be getting married now, he's with Joy.Claude: Which Joy? My Joy or your Joy? Victoria: My Joy. Claude: Okay, to avoid confusion, let's call my Joy, my Joy and your Joy, your Joy. Victoria: Well I need to find your Joy. Claude: Are you talking about your Joy, my Joy, or my Joy, your Joy? Victoria: I am talking about the Joy you told me to call your Joy because your Joy, you wanted to call my Joy, but I have no idea. Claude: You're not very bright, are you? :) |
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Episodio 6x13 2015-05-18 14:53:33Melanie: Yesterday Mayor Deacon died in Elka's bed.Elka: With a smile on his face... Just saying... Elka: Who's that? Melanie: That's me! I replaced my picture. It's from a few years ago, but it's obviously still me. Elka: Could we write "Melanie" on that, so we'll know who it is? :) |
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Episodio 6x14 2015-05-18 14:55:44Joy: Maybe we're not related by blood but to someone we both slept with who used our toothbrushes.Elka: Is that really better? :) |
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Episodio 6x15 2015-05-18 15:12:13Victoria: But local theater is what movie stars do when they can't get any work!Ari: Which is why you're perfect for this... Melanie: Oh, look at the dog. He's snuggling the doll from behind. Joy: That's not snuggling... Elka: It's a voodoo doll... That's probably happening to Bob right now... :) |
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Episodio 6x16 2015-05-19 14:56:34Melanie: I guess you lost the bet, huh?Elka: I've never been a loser before. How do you guys do it? :) |
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Episodio 6x17 2015-05-21 15:18:06"I was excited to see the cake, but it looks like the cake is excited to see me." (Elka):) |
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Episodio 6x18 2015-05-21 15:20:45Joy: I know it's surprising how sensitive he is, seeing how tough and macho he is on the outside.Melanie: We're talking about Bob, right? :) |
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Episodio 6x19 2015-05-22 15:13:52"All I keep hearing is 'younger, younger, younger'. Youth was fine when I was young but enough is enough!" (Melanie)Chef: Ladies, please, stop yelling. I can't handle it when a middle-aged woman is yelling. That's why Martha fired me. Melanie & Joy: She fired you?! Victoria: Middle-aged?! :) |
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Episodio 6x20 2015-05-22 17:12:46Joy: The waiter is groping us and making it look like an accident.Elka: Well, Joy, he probably thought he was reaching for a mop. Victoria's mother: Yes, I did a show with puppets. And I can express more with one hand than most people can with their entire bodies. Elka: I can express how I feel about you with one finger... :) |
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Episodio 6x21 2015-05-23 15:34:17Elka: It's funny. I spent five years wishing Joy would be gone...Melanie: And now you're sad? Elka. No, I'm just telling what I've been doing. Joy: My mother has never been easy. Elka: So you must get it from your dad... :) |
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Episodio 6x22 2015-05-28 15:12:36Saudade é o amor que fica. ❤:) |
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